Rachel's turns the tables for 14 questions

One stipulation that Rachel's had for this article was that the writer answer a series of questions posed by the band. "You Must Answer These," they wrote at the top. So I'm-a gonna.

1) Have you ever peed in the sink?

Not sober; I can't say for certain what I've done when drunk.

2) Front to back? wad? dabble?

Front to back, definitely. Sometimes wad as well. Someday I'll invest in a bidet.

3) Pippi Longstockings or Punky Brewster?


4) Did anyone really think "Sam" on Diff'rent Strokes" was cuter? Wasn't it obvious what they were doing?

No. Yes.

5) Raw ginger, turmeric, cumin, rosemary or dill?

Raw ginger, by far. Dill is good in omelets, though.

6) Sweetened or unsweetened?

Always unsweetened.

7)Compare and contrast upright bass and contrabass.

One octave, usually. Plus that thin layer of mystery gel that turns a fiddle into a violin.

8) If you could watch one band practice for an evening, who would it be?

Sonic Youth, perhaps superseded by a KISS rehearsal for their upcoming reunion tour. Do they rehearse in makeup? "Okay, now during my guitar solo in "Detroit Rock City," you do the fire-blowing thing. Okay, Gene?"

9) Should children smoke?

Should children shoot heroin?

10) List your five favorite Ray Bradbury books. Don't cheat.

First, how do you cheat on this question? Second, they are "Dandelion Wine," Golden Apples from the Sun," "Illustrated Man" and "Martian Chronicles." That's only four. Shit.

11) Satin, vellum, or rusted metal.

Rusted metal with a non-skid surface.

12) Velvet, gingham or seal skin?


13) The Secret of Roan Inish/Meatballs 4

Zentropa/Spy Hard


Strange Brew/My New Gun (???)

Last Tango in Paris/Porky's

Webster/Mr. Belvedere (No fair. It should be Arnold Drummond/Benson)

Jake/the Fatman





David Mamet/David Copperfield

phaser pedal/Big Muff

14) Does a beard make it difficult to kiss/makeout?

No, but being an asshole does.