Once again, I am the last person I know to experience something. This time, it's a sprained ankle. Never had one before. I've come close hundreds of times, but when you're as clumsy as I am, you learn to check yourself constantly. You check stove knobs, halogen lamp switches and the careful placement of drinks. You count stairs while moving equipment and always use your legs, not your back! The biggest one, though is to avoid electrocution due to hasty jabbing. I've had electrocution dreams, and they're not fun. Kinda ultimately peaceful, though. But this time, I failed to stop my folding ankle as I stepped down a small ramp, carrying a speaker. I've asked myself why and have finally come to this conclusion - It's just one more reason for people to say, "You mean you've never…..!"
So there I was at Maier's Tavern, two days after the incident, looking at people's scars, hearing about the knee surgeries, watching the pity sneers and getting lots of free medical advice. One guy took off his shoe and put his hairy naked leg across my table. A well-meaning(?) woman reached down and squeezed my puffy ankle. I never realized how many people have walked around on broken extremities, ruining themselves for life. If they'd only gotten x-rays, the ripped tendons and hairline fractures would never have changed so many lives. See, they think it's a sprain, but it's really a brain tumor. Now I know that people around me are constantly re-injuring themselves but no one gets to discuss it. That's where I hobble in.
On the following day, being temporarily immobilized and thirsty, I obsessed on my lack of Diet Coke. I spent hours trying to devise a plan to acquire the stuff, but my friends were either working or without wheels. I don't know the neighbors well enough and my rubbernecking out the window turned up zilch. It was three o'clock in the afternoon. Just about breakfast time for some. Blam! I decided to have food delivered in order to score the Coke. Anything but pizza, that is. Cold pizza had become a real "I've been stuck on the couch for too long" kind of thing. Wick's came to mind. Wick's is more than just pizza. I slowly located the phone book and, fifteen minutes later… No score - they don't deliver until after five. No problem, I'll just scour the pages for places that will come to me. The Egg Roll Machine! It said right there…nope, no delivery today. KFC quit delivering in the Highlands. To my surprise, Beau Weevil's, across from the Bristol, touted a limited delivery area. I love Cajun food, but it seems like they're always closed when I get an appetite. I gave them a call anyway. No, the voice said, they don't have any staff. No staff, I thought! Then who's answering the phone?! I hung up.
Okay, get ready for the big finish. The voice called me back, said they changed their mind, I ordered food and four cans of Diet Coke, the guy stopped and bought me cigarettes and the thirst was quenched for a mere thirty dollars!! Ha. The moral of that story is, don't expect to be interesting to others when all you've done is sit on your butt for four days.
I have an informative site to suggest for those who'd like some simple and orderly ideas for promoting your band online. It's long to write out, but worth it: http://music.zdnet.com/features/recorddeal/index.html Why, this guy takes you from website to airplay in minutes! I credit "The Buzz Factor" for that tip : 00-BuzzFactoremail@example.com . Another happy e-zine for songwriters can be acquired by sending a blank email to DIFSfirstname.lastname@example.org. I have mentioned "Daily Inspirations For Songwriters" before, but this is their new address.
These are both excellent resources. Let me know if you have others to pass on.
There's a lot of stuff happening at The Lighthouse On Frankfort. This relatively new club is in a familiar location (the corner of Pope St. and Frankfort Ave.) and has been throwing down with everything from Bop dancing (whatever that is) to karaoke, open mike night and lots of live music. I keep running into musicians there who I haven't seen in some time. They have good grub and like a thousand little lighthouses everywhere. Check out the schedule if you're curious: www.Lighthousebar.com
In the sweet and sour category, I would like to thank (sincerely!) The Jazz Jackal, in Tucson, Arizona, for sending me a "delightful" selection of Carmen McRae tunes. In a chilling reference to my April column, where I examine my fear of jazz and justifiable disdain for McRae, the enclosed letter said, simply, "Fear Not." Included was the tape. Now I'm more scared than ever - I suspected it was a dark secret society! How 'bout some Miles Davis, then?
Call or email me with your band/Mid City info:
485-1989 / email@example.com
Find me next month.